Published February 11, 2008
Okay, here's my third poem. And I do realize that the rhymes seem very forced, but that's part of the point of the comedy.
Enjoy--hopefully!
DRAGON VS. SLAYER
A dragon and a dragon slayer
Met in a field one day.
And a battle not of swords,
But of words in history was laid.
I tell you this tale
As it is known to me,
And I assure you
That I can tell it perfectly.
--
To the dragon the slayer said:
“Dragon, I am a slayer,
One who eats nothing but figs.
They help keep me fit
For you beasts that are big!”
And to the slayer the dragon said:
“I am the greatest dragon you ever will meet!
Today you will be defeated,
So human, you should run
Before you are eated.”
And drawing his sword the slayer said:
“You are foolish to think such,
For always I win!
After I beat you
I shall go fight your kin!”
And flame burst from his tongue as the dragon bellowed:
“My kin?! My kin?!
My family, you say?
You will never find my mother,
For you will be dead by the end of this day!”
And raising his shield, the slayer said:
“The sun already is setting,
I can live long enough!
I will last through the night—
I’ll avoid that fire that you huff!”
--
And all through that night,
And day after day,
The banter continued
‘Til each died of old age.
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140,871 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
Alot of this seemed forced too much. I liked it how it ended but even poets don't use bad english like "eated" it's not a word. Also poems don't need to rhyme. Try reading some famous poets and getting better. You get better by praticing and reading. I like how it ended. That was terribly original I like that. Just work on less trying to rhyme. Overall interesting poem, good ending, bad content. Meaning could of been better. As Katharsis said not groundbreaking but an original idea.
Good luck
VSN
I found the rhyming to be more distracting than comedic, but it is your poem. It was, like your other one, rather drab to me. The end was alright, but not really groundbreaking.
I think you should focus on the structure of your poems, make sure that they flow well. Content seems to be easy for you, but I'd like to see some better rhyming and a solid pattern.
I have to say I didn't really like any of the poem until the last stanza. And that was ruined by your comment "Lol! Thanks for reading." It was kind of obnoxious. Sorry if I seem like I'm attacking you. I'm not. Just a suggestion.
Back to the poem, the story was OK. The stanzas were alright. Like I said, the selling point was the last stanza which was fantastic. You have a gift for endings. Work on everything before and you could go far. Thanks for the poem.
It was interesting having a battle of wits. Not that either of them were incredibly witty.
Meh, I have to say that this poem didn't really do it for me. The idea was pretty funny and the rhyme was okay, but the overall rhythm seemed a little off. Some of the stanzas have a nice sing-songy rhythm, but others are just not working.
However, I did like some of the individual stanzas. I like the dragon's lines especially. He's so full of himself. They both are, actually, but I just like the dragon better. I'm a sucker for the mythological beasties.
~GryphonFledgling